I'm Tired and It's Only January 3rd

Happy new year! I hope 2012 is looking bright for everyone, I wish you all good things in the new year.

So far, 2012 is looking to be busy exciting. On the agenda: I have my General Exam scheduled for February 10th! I'm happy to finally have that on the calendar. I've met with each of my committee members individually and have mostly positive vibes coming from them, which is great. Something the whole process did make blatantly clear, however, is that I really should have started meeting with them a whole lot sooner (meaning at least a year before I did...). Outside input-- separate from your advisor-- has proven to be incredibly valuable for both my project and my psyche.

Sadly, for many of us in my program, engaging your committee in your project construction is this nice fairy-tale idea that is not actually encouraged. If anything, one gets the feeling that it's frowned upon until you have a clearer idea of your project.. more "preliminary" data... in my type of lab work, however, by the time you have this data, half your project is completed. Kind of negates the whole idea of having other bright minds contribute to the formation of your project and ability to give you feedback on your PROPOSAL... you know, prosed work? At this stage, it's no longer proposed; it's done. And there's really not a whole lot of time left to change your approach to address concerns from committee members. Perhaps we, as grad students, could be "more proactive," but it seems that even when students try to push, unless your PI is on board and supportive, it's futile.

Anyway, ranting aside, it's scheduled and I can't wait for it to be over! January is looking super busy with experiments and proposal writing/studying for the exam. SOT comes around again in mid March in San Francisco (woo!). The most exciting news: an abstract was accepted for a poster at an international conference in Paris in May!! I'm on a mission to find funding to support my travel, I'm optimistic that I'll finagle something. I've been aiming to go to an international conference, and this one is perfect-- it focuses on environmental stressors in the origins of disease. Plus, it's in Paris :) Wish me luck!

Halleloo!

Please excuse my extended absence. Apparently, I'm not very good at keeping this updated when things are going at "bat-shit crazy" speed. Here's a brief recap of what's been going on in my life since February:

1. SOT was awesome! How great it is to see this expansive world of science and toxicology outside of this hole I live in, here in the lab. It is so easy to forget why I am putting myself through all this; seeing all this other research and successful professionals really excites me. I was totally nerding out over things like new methodology and mechanisms in neurotox, but I also was cherishing the connections I was able to make. In any event, drinking and going out to jazz clubs with various professors didn't hurt either. Perhaps by simply incorporating people from industry and government into the mix, the science world was given a personality and a human-ness that's severely lacking from my within academia.

2. Peru was, as expected, fantastic. I really can't complain about sunny, 85F weather. It was super relaxing, spent time on the beach and ate a lot. The wedding was great-- a lot of fun, beautiful ceremony at sunset over the water... as you can imagine, it was incredibly difficult to return to rain and lab-slave life.

3. Girlfriend and I also found out the sex of the baby (due in the beginning of August)-- it's a girl! Really amazing, and scary at the same time. Girlfriend is already worrying about her getting pregnant. I'm still worried about changing the diapers. Hmm...

Fig. 1. Baby Girl at 20 weeks. She has fingers and hands and a nose! Yeah!

4. Lastly, things in the lab have actually started to turn around!!.... !!! I am slightly hesistant to really celebrate just yet because I still am only half believing it to be true. I am sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop and for things to go horribly wrong.... I'm pretty sure that won't happen, but really, I have no idea what to expect with my work. I can't tell you what exactly changed, but the experiment I had been doing with little success has finally worked. In addition, the results are showing surprisingly drastic differences between my treatments and controls! To that, I simply have to say, Halleloo! (Please refer to Figure 2 if this saying eludes you).

Fig. 2. Shangela from RuPaul's Drag Race on LOGO. Halleloo!

If you haven't already, please watch RuPaul's Drag Race for some pure entertainment in the form of America's Next Top Drag Superstar. These chicas are sexy. Til next time, 'echa pa'lante.'

...Annnnd We're Back.

I've been back from my Christmas break for a couple weeks now and have been trying to hit the ground running in high gear, with an optimistic attitude towards my work. At least, that was the initial intent. I know exactly what needs to get done between now and the beginning of March (primarily in preparation for the annual Society of Toxicology meeting-- in DC this year!), and I'm trying, desperately, to start moving on those things. Of course, like always (it seems), no matter how hard I try to be proactive, forward thinking, and prepared, things NEVER seem to work like they are supposed to. And please, spare me the "metaphor for life" because this is not life-- it's Science! It's SUPPOSED to be a controlled environment where you can manipulate variables for scientific purposes. Liars.

Read: Despondent: adj, de·spon·dent [ di spóndənt ]

1. Extremely unhappy and discouraged

*Warning* Lab ranting ahead::: 
So far, the microscope I use to photograph and thus analyze all of my cells for the most important part of my project, is broken. The guy in charge cannot figure it out and it has since been 'sent out' to be repaired. Trying to stay ahead of the game, I decided to find another way to get my work done. So, I found another micrscope center to use, was trained to use it, and now... am waiting to simply be put on a list in order to sign up to use said microscope... I cannot tell you how frustrating this is.

I've also started a new assay for a different aspect of my project, one that promises to be more consistent and reliable than the dreaded ROS assay. The downside is it invovles a 12-hour treatment, which there is really no good way to go about. I was in the lab around 8:30pm last night making a buffer, and even such a seemingly simple task-- putting different things together in a tube-- somehow failed. A particularly pesky reagent (SDS) failed to dissolve appropriately once combined with other stuff. After some failed attempts to change the pH, I remade a simplified version of the buffer and had some success. Overall, I'm pretty sure the buffer was not good and the samples will likely be a waste. But, at 11pm, you stop caring about such things, and you just go home.

Now, with that said, I am still, somehow, trying to be optimistic about this being a better, more productive year in the lab. Mostly because it just has to be. I'm in a sink-or-swim type of stage in my career here. Or, at least, that's the way I see it. This goes beyond the semi-unrealistic expectations of my advisor and well into my own expectations for myself... expectations I am currently not meeting. And that is what is truly depressing.