...Annnnd We're Back.

I've been back from my Christmas break for a couple weeks now and have been trying to hit the ground running in high gear, with an optimistic attitude towards my work. At least, that was the initial intent. I know exactly what needs to get done between now and the beginning of March (primarily in preparation for the annual Society of Toxicology meeting-- in DC this year!), and I'm trying, desperately, to start moving on those things. Of course, like always (it seems), no matter how hard I try to be proactive, forward thinking, and prepared, things NEVER seem to work like they are supposed to. And please, spare me the "metaphor for life" because this is not life-- it's Science! It's SUPPOSED to be a controlled environment where you can manipulate variables for scientific purposes. Liars.

Read: Despondent: adj, de·spon·dent [ di spóndənt ]

1. Extremely unhappy and discouraged

*Warning* Lab ranting ahead::: 
So far, the microscope I use to photograph and thus analyze all of my cells for the most important part of my project, is broken. The guy in charge cannot figure it out and it has since been 'sent out' to be repaired. Trying to stay ahead of the game, I decided to find another way to get my work done. So, I found another micrscope center to use, was trained to use it, and now... am waiting to simply be put on a list in order to sign up to use said microscope... I cannot tell you how frustrating this is.

I've also started a new assay for a different aspect of my project, one that promises to be more consistent and reliable than the dreaded ROS assay. The downside is it invovles a 12-hour treatment, which there is really no good way to go about. I was in the lab around 8:30pm last night making a buffer, and even such a seemingly simple task-- putting different things together in a tube-- somehow failed. A particularly pesky reagent (SDS) failed to dissolve appropriately once combined with other stuff. After some failed attempts to change the pH, I remade a simplified version of the buffer and had some success. Overall, I'm pretty sure the buffer was not good and the samples will likely be a waste. But, at 11pm, you stop caring about such things, and you just go home.

Now, with that said, I am still, somehow, trying to be optimistic about this being a better, more productive year in the lab. Mostly because it just has to be. I'm in a sink-or-swim type of stage in my career here. Or, at least, that's the way I see it. This goes beyond the semi-unrealistic expectations of my advisor and well into my own expectations for myself... expectations I am currently not meeting. And that is what is truly depressing.